Loyalty is a powerful thing. Even the word itself can stir people to fervent heights of emotion. When we see life as a story, we want the characters near and dear to us to be ones we can trust.
Loyalty, per most souls, is knowing someone has your best interests at heart, even (one might say especially) when those interests run counter to what you think you desire but truly don’t.
In a romantic relationship, loyalty goes far beyond fidelity, or even compatibility (if one measures compatibility by longevity).
When one person knows, despite mistakes and missteps, that the other is truly loyal, they can remain friends (once healed) even after they’re no longer romantic.
Think of it as the other person holding a piece of you and you of them, and neither of you – no matter what happens – will permit harm to come to those pieces.
There’s a fair amount of self-sacrifice in loyalty that often goes unremarked, as it should. Loyalty doesn’t seek overt recognition. True loyalty is a tacit agreement of respect. It is knowing that there’s nothing someone close to you says or does toward you that is not out of love.
A loyal partner is going to be honest with you, even when it hurts one or both of you to do so. This is not “brutal” honesty, it’s soul honesty.
“A dishonest person is loyal only to the lies they must maintain.”
In a relationship, loyalty means “you’ll take time for me and I’ll take time for you.” It means giving freely of yourself to fulfill needs the other may never know they have or may never even voice.
It means “I give myself to you” in an act not merely of faith, but very much grounded in acts: the proof of loyalty is the quality of treatment received, because loyalty as a word falls quickly and easily from a lot of people who hope to use it as a distraction from their deficiencies.
There are times when we must stand beside – or even in front of someone – to defend them when they are troubled or weakened. If this is done without hesitation or an overt demand for retribution, you have a relationship wherein loyalty is a core value.
Loyalty is not blindness. It isn’t about being on the most powerful or winning side.
It’s about giving.
It’s about being open to the possibilities of true connection, as opposed to the faddish ones most loyalties are attached to.
To be loyal, you must know how to receive loyalty.
Loyalty actually makes many people uncomfortable. They feel that someone being loyal to them places a burden of certain behaviors on them. Rather than deal with this discomfort, they close themselves off from feeling worthy.
In essence, they become miserable and hope others might commiserate in that misery, but loyalty does not mean sticking around to see how misery plays out.
Loyalty evolves gracefully in a fully-realized relationship. Just as loyalties to the external world shift and change, intimate loyalties experience new states of being on a constant basis.
The Ability To Say No
Everybody wants loyalty, consistency, and somebody who won’t quit. But everybody forgets that to get that person, you have to be that person.– various
Loyalty in your relationship will demand this word on a frequent basis. No to temptations of the heart, flesh, self-interest, even at times of your loved one’s interests.
Since a truly loyal person isn’t merely a yes-bot to others or themselves, a fair amount of strength is exhibited by those who can rightfully claim the mantle of loyal friend/lover/confidante.
“No” isn’t easy, because sometimes an immediate reward is distractingly tempting. However, it’s also not easy to sway a truly loyal person toward quick, immediate rewards.
In other words, they know that by saying no to distractions, they say yes to a loyal and good companion, and such friends are worth twice their weight in gold.